Stuck in traffic, your hands grip the steering wheel, squeezing it like a stress ball. You finally get to the office, glance at your to-do-list that looks like an endless ocean, with no land in sight. The constant ping of emails in the background makes your heart race and your breath shallow. You remember the pile of overdue bills and laundry at home. A knot tightens in your stomach.
Nothing’s going right.
These unpleasant sensations sound familiar. To combat the unchosen suffering, you turn to activities promoted by the multi-Billion-dollar self-care industry.
Your spa day followed by prosecco, pedicure and a bubble bath does not help relax your tense shoulders.
After your temporary thrill of day-long retail therapy, you go back immersed in thoughts that keep you awake till after midnight.
All these indulgences are great, but they do not restore you.
All these indulgences are great, but they are not what true self-care is about.
You go on these “self-care” extravaganzas, hoping to find peace in your luxurious escapes. Instead, you are left with a sense of emptiness and unfulfillment.
But why all this failure when it comes to self-care?
It is understandable that we turn to self-care to solve our health problems. Today, we want to talk to you about how we believe you can practice the kind of self-care that starts with a big “Self”; true self-love that avoids the self-care BS and traps that our environment, and our own mind impose on us:
1. Leaving Self-Care for When You Feel Better.
Self-care normally derails when it is most needed. If you’re feeling down, distracted, exhausted or anxious, self-care can seem like far too big of an effort, even when you know it will help you feel better. But feeling busy, stressed, tired, or overwhelmed are the signs that you truly need self-care; self-care that is restorative, calming and comforting. Procrastinating when it comes to self-care can create a vicious cycle that increases stress and hampers your physical and mental wellbeing.
2. Overindulging in Unhealthy Habits
We try and try to feel happier, forcing ourselves to soldier on and navigate through life challenges. Trying to feel happier could sometimes end up resulting in one more drink, staying up late, an extra slice of pizza, chocolate cake for breakfast or not leaving the sofa all weekend. Your all-nighter or the snack that is full of empty calories will make you feel sluggish the next day. You’ll feel like the day is stomping into your bedroom and pulling you out of your bed. You’ll end up dragging yourself around all day drinking more coffee and feeling like crap, not to mention unproductive. But, really, that’s not proper self-care, is it? You know it’s not.
3. Expecting a Quick One-Size-Fits All Self-Care Recipe and Immediate Transformation
One day at a party, a thoughtful lady in her late fifties, knowing that I am a health coach and how bad mental/physical health issues are for a lot of people, says: “All right, so tell me what do to lose weight.” My response: “Tell me more about your diet and lifestyle. What is the ideal weight you’re aiming for? Do you have any health issues? What is your level of stress? How active are you?”
The truth of the matter is that there is no quick one-size-fits-all recipe. Self-care isn’t something you do once and tick off your list. It is an ongoing practice. To lose weight, to feel better, happier and healthier, self-care must be made a habit, embedded into the everyday life.
4. Spending Too Much Money on Self-Care or Focusing Too Much on Tangible Self-Care Tools
For some of us, self-care might be as simple as meditating daily, stop reading the news or making time to write a daily journal. For some others, it could mean weekly dance lessons or learning a new skill. Whatever helps you feel physically and mentally on top of things is worth incorporating into your routine.
Mindful self-care spending allows money and resources to be dedicated to where it’s most needed in your life. Allocate a very simple budget to your self-care planning and you’ll have a strong foundation for better self-care management.
5. Considering Self-Care as a One-Dimensional Process
Too often, we don’t recognize one of the most basic truths about being human: that we are unique multi-dimensional beings. Comparing yourself with someone else or trying to copy their self-care routine and see results could only end up in frustration.
Identify your skills, efforts, achievements, and successes. Compliment yourself and accept compliments from other people for your positive qualities. Acknowledge the trade-offs and sort through the priorities and the multiple, often correlated measures of real self-care for your unique self. Recognizing your gifts will result in understanding all the dimensions of your unique self-care needs and will help addressing them more effectively.
6. Tagging Self-Care as Selfish
Self-Care and self-love are the most selfless things you can do. That is why when the plane de-pressurizes, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before you assist your own child. Self-care is bound to the care of others. We are of no use to anyone until we can take care of ourselves.
Self-care is an internal process that involves making difficult decisions that will pay off tenfold over time. Make conscious food choices, cook healthy recipes, do 15 minutes of exercise, 15 minutes of reading, meditation, spending time with friends and family, or practice a hobby you love.
30 minutes of self-love activity a day is over 180 hours of practice a year. Compare that with the 2.5 hours a day that an average person spends mindlessly browsing through social media.
Make this act deliberate and a habit by asking yourself:
What do I need to feel whole in this moment?
Invest in yourself like you are your most valuable asset. Hold on to your why and keep yourself aligned with your highest potential.
What would be possible if you showed up for yourself?